So, it's getting towards crunch time, as my residency rank list is due at 9pm on February 27. I felt pretty good about my list, then I met with one of my mentors on Tuesday, and she kind of threw my list out of wack. Ack!
Now I'm starting to freak out and get some opinions from other people who know me and know where I would like to be and know how I felt about the different programs, some objective opinions, I suppose. I am also trying to get God's opinion. Yes, that is the most important one!
The problem with this process is that you have absolutely no assurance as to anything or anywhere. Even if a program sends you a nice letter, you wonder, did they send that to everyone? It is definitely one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences I've ever had. What do I take into account--quality of the program? Location? Residents? Attendings?
I just wish I could put my faith in something, one of the programs, anything--then it occurred to me--I should be putting my faith in God! I think that might be more difficult because I am a stupid human who likes to take control and plan my future.
I was thinking and praying about this the other day, and the verse Psalm 119:105 popped into my head. I just love the idea of God's word being a "lamp" and a "light," not a flashlight or a headlight--step by step our path is illuminated. I may not know where I'm going or what's ahead of me, but as long as I walk in this little circle of enlightenment and hope and faith, I think I'll be ok. I know I'll be ok.
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Well, you're giving me faith Casey. Thank you. I am going to look at the psalm now.
My prayers are with you and you will end up in the right place. I have faith you will.
It's easier when it is someone else, isn't that funny? I need to say these things to myself too.
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