I don't really have much to say except today was, what I'm calling, a "bad Galveston Day," probably one of many more to come, I'm sorry to say. I'm not really sure what triggered it, except for a frustration with the length and cost of the moving process, which is really starting to freak me out.
I am also still frustrated with matching at a program that was so far down on my list. I know, I know, surgery was competitive this year, blah blah blah, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I know that in my head, but my heart still thinks it very unfair that literally everyone else I know got their #1 choice, and I, as we all know, did not.
My mom and I are going down next week to find a place and do some exploring. I hope this trip will push me toward the "excited" end of the spectrum, but I am fearful that it will go the other way and I'll come back dreading it even more.
On a more positive note, I met a transitional medicine resident at Riverside who is also heading down to UTMB for a radiation oncology residency. So atleast that will be one more person I know there (still doesn't make me feel that much better).
Sorry for the sour attitude. :( I wish I didn't feel like this, and tonight my dad said I needed to "get over it." But I think it's going to take me a while to adjust. I just feel like I've been mandated to live somewhere for 5 years that I really really really don't want to go. I know I should have faith that this is what God wants for me, but at this point I am feeling farther from Him than ever before.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Bombs and Galveston
So, today I had my medic ride-along for my ER rotation. It is days like today that I tend to think that I DO in fact have a pretty interesting life. The steps of my day:
1. I head to the medic station (get lost of course), and meet up with the medics that I'll be with today. They are all awesome.
2. Instead of doing runs in the morning, we head down to a quarry where the bomb squad needs to do some training. They set up a huge bomb/explosive thing and attach it to a truck full of barrels. We are told to get 1000 feet back, because the "danger zone of impact" (or something equally foreboding) is calculated at 850 feet.
3. The bomb squad supervisor asks me if I want to blow up the truck. Of course I give an enthusiastic, "uh, yeah!" That's right, folks, I got to yell "fire in the hole!" and push that little red button that leads to the detonation of the bomb, and therefore, the truck. It was such a weird phenomenon--seeing the truck blow up, then hearing the kaboom and feeling the rush of air. Sweet. Yes, they are emailing me a picture.
4. Eat lunch with firefighters and medics.
5. Apparently I was working with the "busiest fire station in the nation," but since I'm such a white cloud, we had no runs until 5 pm (seriously, they said they were making history it was so light), when we visited a diabetic woman. Oh yeah, I forgot to add in there that we ate lots more, watched 2 movies, and took naps in the medic lounge.
6. Eat dinner with firefighters and medics.
7. Go on another call to visit an inmate (my favorite patient population) who has lupus. Interesting!
8. Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention that while we were signing the release forms for the bomb explosion and putting on our hard hats and souvenir safety glasses, I ran into one of the bomb squad members who happened to be the bag pipe player from our Anatomy Memorial Service 3 years ago. Random. Even more randomly, he happened to have the song "Galveston" on his phone, so we all jammed to it in our hard hats and glasses. Awesome.
9. As I was leaving today, the head-honcho Bomb Squad Supervisor gave me a souvenir Bomb Squad tshirt! I am ridiculously pumped about this. I'm sure I'll wear it and get a picture soon.
Wow, what a day. But it's a good thing that I don't work at the fire station, otherwise I'd be super fat. And speaking of that, I'd better go to the gym. :)
1. I head to the medic station (get lost of course), and meet up with the medics that I'll be with today. They are all awesome.
2. Instead of doing runs in the morning, we head down to a quarry where the bomb squad needs to do some training. They set up a huge bomb/explosive thing and attach it to a truck full of barrels. We are told to get 1000 feet back, because the "danger zone of impact" (or something equally foreboding) is calculated at 850 feet.
3. The bomb squad supervisor asks me if I want to blow up the truck. Of course I give an enthusiastic, "uh, yeah!" That's right, folks, I got to yell "fire in the hole!" and push that little red button that leads to the detonation of the bomb, and therefore, the truck. It was such a weird phenomenon--seeing the truck blow up, then hearing the kaboom and feeling the rush of air. Sweet. Yes, they are emailing me a picture.
4. Eat lunch with firefighters and medics.
5. Apparently I was working with the "busiest fire station in the nation," but since I'm such a white cloud, we had no runs until 5 pm (seriously, they said they were making history it was so light), when we visited a diabetic woman. Oh yeah, I forgot to add in there that we ate lots more, watched 2 movies, and took naps in the medic lounge.
6. Eat dinner with firefighters and medics.
7. Go on another call to visit an inmate (my favorite patient population) who has lupus. Interesting!
8. Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention that while we were signing the release forms for the bomb explosion and putting on our hard hats and souvenir safety glasses, I ran into one of the bomb squad members who happened to be the bag pipe player from our Anatomy Memorial Service 3 years ago. Random. Even more randomly, he happened to have the song "Galveston" on his phone, so we all jammed to it in our hard hats and glasses. Awesome.
9. As I was leaving today, the head-honcho Bomb Squad Supervisor gave me a souvenir Bomb Squad tshirt! I am ridiculously pumped about this. I'm sure I'll wear it and get a picture soon.
Wow, what a day. But it's a good thing that I don't work at the fire station, otherwise I'd be super fat. And speaking of that, I'd better go to the gym. :)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Headin' South
Ok, so I know I haven't posted in a while, so I figured I'd better type something. A humongous thanks to everyone who has written and called me recently in efforts to cheer me up about Galveston. It means more than you know! You guys have really come through in the clutch.
My mom and I are heading down to Galveston May 1-4 to check out apartments. It seems that it's pretty affordable down there, and I have several options picked out, including several with balconies and within 1 block of both the hospital and the beach. Cha-ching. I'm also considering getting a two-bedroom apartment due to the (hopefully) high frequency of visitors I'll have. :)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wow
So, if anyone has not heard yet, I have matched in general surgery at the University of Texas Medical Branch, in Galveston, Texas. This was my #8 choice, so, needless to say, I was very disappointed.
It was a difficult situation to be in, at this stupid match day ceremony. Everyone gets their envelope and then there's an airhorn blown and everyone opens their envelopes at the same time. I was a little slower than most at opening mine, and my sister was yelling at me to go faster.
Everyone around me was cheering and screaming and hugging and taking pictures. As soon as I saw the name of the program, I immediately (and I mean, immediately) broke down and started sobbing. I cannot express in words the immediate sadness and dread that I felt. After sitting there for a while, I put my sunglasses on and went outside with my family.
After doing some research and digging up my stuff from my interview at UTMB, I am feeling a little bit better. It's just so far away (1200 miles, 19 hours by car, and approximately $900 for UHaul truck rental alone (not including gas, that is)). And it's five long years.
The benefits of living in Galveston include:
1. The beach! The weather averages 57 degrees in winter months and 81 degrees in summer months. Maybe I will be tan year-round, eh?
2. Solid program. Really, it is. In Texas it's known as "trauma-rama" and they get all the prisoners from the entire state of Texas (I love prisoner patients!).
3. Family in Austin and Fort Worth.
4. Two other OSU grads are going to UTMB--one in anesthesia and one in plastics--so I'll be working with them quite a bit, which should be fun.
5. No Texas state income tax.
6. Affordable, good housing close to medical center.
I will keep telling myself these things. I will also continue to tell myself that it's not permanent. I can always come back up here for my fellowship or an attending position. And who knows, maybe I'll meet some Texas hunk and become a lifer??
Counting Down the Minutes.....
So, feeling the anxiety of the upcoming match day celebration, my roommate and I planned several activities for today to take our minds of the suspense/possible agony:
Turbo Jam (ok, I did this, and she watched)
Full-body massages (my first ever--awesomeness)
Delicious dinner
$1 movie (Alvin and the Chipmunks--also awesomeness)
American Idol (finally, Amanda got kicked off)
Jenga (Nerves + wobbly table=Casey going 0/3 in this game)
Dominoes
Baking (gluten-free cupcakes and a delicious post-match Funfetti cake to be consumed tomorrow)
Movie (Radio)
Now I will attempt some sleep.
Tomorrow is the match ceremony, where we all file in at 11:30am, where they make us sit for 30 minutes while they drone on about statistics concerning where and in what OSU students matched. Then at exactly 12:00pm EST all fourth year medical students across the country will open their envelopes (insert screaming or crying here).
Afterwards, I have organized a tasty celebratory dinner at my fave restaurant (Max and Erma's, of course), for my families. I'm really excited about tortilla soup and a southern chicken salad, no tomatoes, ranch dressing on the side. Not that I've been there before or anything.
Will update again soon! I have also composed a mass email, so hopefully everyone who reads this should be on there. Thanks for the support!
9 hours
29 minutes
Turbo Jam (ok, I did this, and she watched)
Full-body massages (my first ever--awesomeness)
Delicious dinner
$1 movie (Alvin and the Chipmunks--also awesomeness)
American Idol (finally, Amanda got kicked off)
Jenga (Nerves + wobbly table=Casey going 0/3 in this game)
Dominoes
Baking (gluten-free cupcakes and a delicious post-match Funfetti cake to be consumed tomorrow)
Movie (Radio)
Now I will attempt some sleep.
Tomorrow is the match ceremony, where we all file in at 11:30am, where they make us sit for 30 minutes while they drone on about statistics concerning where and in what OSU students matched. Then at exactly 12:00pm EST all fourth year medical students across the country will open their envelopes (insert screaming or crying here).
Afterwards, I have organized a tasty celebratory dinner at my fave restaurant (Max and Erma's, of course), for my families. I'm really excited about tortilla soup and a southern chicken salad, no tomatoes, ranch dressing on the side. Not that I've been there before or anything.
Will update again soon! I have also composed a mass email, so hopefully everyone who reads this should be on there. Thanks for the support!
9 hours
29 minutes
Monday, March 17, 2008
No Scrambling for me! :)
So, today was the day that we (meaning us med4s across the country) found out if we matched or not--we didn't find out where, just if we matched or not.
Indeed, I have matched! I do not have to scramble, which is awesome. Now the suspense and waiting begin (or continue?) as to where I shall be come July....
71 hours
20 minutes
Indeed, I have matched! I do not have to scramble, which is awesome. Now the suspense and waiting begin (or continue?) as to where I shall be come July....
71 hours
20 minutes
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Xrays from a Supernova
So, I feel like I'm just full of random useless facts today.
1. Patrick Swayze and his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer--I do feel bad about this. I've heard some conflicting reports regarding his prognosis, but in reality, pancreatic cancer is never good. I hope he had the time of his life! (is it mean to say that?)
2. Henry the Hexapus--so apparently there was this octopus in an aquarium in London, which nobody thought was anything but the ordinary. Until one day he put himself up against the glass, and the passersby counted not 8, not 7, but only 6 tentacles! Apparently when octopi lose their limbs, they grow back, but it seems that Henry had a birth defect instead. The aquarium he is at started calling him Henry due to 1. the alliteration, and 2. the fact that Henry VIII should have had eight wives, but in actuality only had six.
I am seriously considering going to London to see said hexapus. My dad said I should just look at an octopus and cover up two of the tentacles, but seriously, it's not like Henry can reproduce and make more hexapi. If there were such an animal in existence that was the only one of it's kind and would never exist again, wouldn't you want to be able to say you saw it? I would. I think this is what fourth year of medical school is all about--travelling across the world to see mystical creatures of the deep.
3. Xrays from a Supernova--My dad told me yesterday about a supernova that was discovered 8,000 light years away that is emitting xray beams. The supernova is spiral shaped and it emits these beams from the center. The issue is, no one knows when the xray beams were emitted--today, or 8,000 light years ago? Apparently as soon as they hit Earth it'll be fried. Personally, I think it would be worth it to die by XRay beams from a supernova.
1. Patrick Swayze and his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer--I do feel bad about this. I've heard some conflicting reports regarding his prognosis, but in reality, pancreatic cancer is never good. I hope he had the time of his life! (is it mean to say that?)
2. Henry the Hexapus--so apparently there was this octopus in an aquarium in London, which nobody thought was anything but the ordinary. Until one day he put himself up against the glass, and the passersby counted not 8, not 7, but only 6 tentacles! Apparently when octopi lose their limbs, they grow back, but it seems that Henry had a birth defect instead. The aquarium he is at started calling him Henry due to 1. the alliteration, and 2. the fact that Henry VIII should have had eight wives, but in actuality only had six.
I am seriously considering going to London to see said hexapus. My dad said I should just look at an octopus and cover up two of the tentacles, but seriously, it's not like Henry can reproduce and make more hexapi. If there were such an animal in existence that was the only one of it's kind and would never exist again, wouldn't you want to be able to say you saw it? I would. I think this is what fourth year of medical school is all about--travelling across the world to see mystical creatures of the deep.
3. Xrays from a Supernova--My dad told me yesterday about a supernova that was discovered 8,000 light years away that is emitting xray beams. The supernova is spiral shaped and it emits these beams from the center. The issue is, no one knows when the xray beams were emitted--today, or 8,000 light years ago? Apparently as soon as they hit Earth it'll be fried. Personally, I think it would be worth it to die by XRay beams from a supernova.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thus Starts the Waiting Game.....
So, on Wednesday night my official Rank Order List (ROL) was officially submitted. And now we wait. I have 20 more days until Match Day (March 20, but who's counting?) when I find out where I'm going.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little freaked out. I felt good about my list and where I ranked the programs--I don't feel nervous about that. I'm just nervous about where I'll end up.
And because I'm a stupid human, I want to be where I want to be. But I would rather be where God wants me to be. And that's a hard thing to give up. And some days I don't think that. But that is where faith comes in.
So I keep thinking of Jeremiah 29:11--"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Thanks for all the nice emails! :)
I'm not going to lie, I'm a little freaked out. I felt good about my list and where I ranked the programs--I don't feel nervous about that. I'm just nervous about where I'll end up.
And because I'm a stupid human, I want to be where I want to be. But I would rather be where God wants me to be. And that's a hard thing to give up. And some days I don't think that. But that is where faith comes in.
So I keep thinking of Jeremiah 29:11--"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Thanks for all the nice emails! :)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Starting to wig out....but slowly finding faith
So, it's getting towards crunch time, as my residency rank list is due at 9pm on February 27. I felt pretty good about my list, then I met with one of my mentors on Tuesday, and she kind of threw my list out of wack. Ack!
Now I'm starting to freak out and get some opinions from other people who know me and know where I would like to be and know how I felt about the different programs, some objective opinions, I suppose. I am also trying to get God's opinion. Yes, that is the most important one!
The problem with this process is that you have absolutely no assurance as to anything or anywhere. Even if a program sends you a nice letter, you wonder, did they send that to everyone? It is definitely one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences I've ever had. What do I take into account--quality of the program? Location? Residents? Attendings?
I just wish I could put my faith in something, one of the programs, anything--then it occurred to me--I should be putting my faith in God! I think that might be more difficult because I am a stupid human who likes to take control and plan my future.
I was thinking and praying about this the other day, and the verse Psalm 119:105 popped into my head. I just love the idea of God's word being a "lamp" and a "light," not a flashlight or a headlight--step by step our path is illuminated. I may not know where I'm going or what's ahead of me, but as long as I walk in this little circle of enlightenment and hope and faith, I think I'll be ok. I know I'll be ok.
Now I'm starting to freak out and get some opinions from other people who know me and know where I would like to be and know how I felt about the different programs, some objective opinions, I suppose. I am also trying to get God's opinion. Yes, that is the most important one!
The problem with this process is that you have absolutely no assurance as to anything or anywhere. Even if a program sends you a nice letter, you wonder, did they send that to everyone? It is definitely one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences I've ever had. What do I take into account--quality of the program? Location? Residents? Attendings?
I just wish I could put my faith in something, one of the programs, anything--then it occurred to me--I should be putting my faith in God! I think that might be more difficult because I am a stupid human who likes to take control and plan my future.
I was thinking and praying about this the other day, and the verse Psalm 119:105 popped into my head. I just love the idea of God's word being a "lamp" and a "light," not a flashlight or a headlight--step by step our path is illuminated. I may not know where I'm going or what's ahead of me, but as long as I walk in this little circle of enlightenment and hope and faith, I think I'll be ok. I know I'll be ok.
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